Choosing to fall in love is essentially saying that you are ready to get your heart broken again. You can’t be all in with someone and not take that risk. Falling in love is vulnerable and that is unavoidable.
Consider some of these gems of advice.
1. You Have To Want Love More Than You Are Afraid of Being Hurt
This is not to say that you do not have control over what happens or the pace at which it happens, even if you are in the initial stage of a new beginning. It’s not typical that we share innermost thoughts and feelings with someone we just met, but with new relationships, it tends to happen.
It’s normal, then to ask yourself: “What the heck was I thinking? I told her that? Crap! This is getting real!” and suddenly you want to swallow your words and take it all back.
2. Slowing Down is Not Bad
Love can wait for the rest of you to catch up. If it doesn’t – or if he/she doesn’t – maybe they are not the right love for you in the first place. Just force yourself to slow down a bit so your heart and mind can catch up with each other.
3. Tell Him/Her What You Want Them To Know
Something along this line:
Hey, listen. I really like you and these past few weeks have just flown by. I love everything I am learning about you and I am excited for what comes next, but I can tell I am sharing too much too fast.
I want to keep building something real here and see where it goes but if we share our life stories at the speed of light, we will feel closer but we will be skipping a few steps and I don’t want to miss anything.
Then take the time to really get to know each other. Don’t just swap the super personal life stories but get to know how s/he moves through the world. How does s/he care for his/her relationships? What is important to him/her?
4. When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them!
Maya Angelou said the above words, and is actually the best piece of dating advice ever. You don’t just want to fall for someone by learning about them or their stories. You want to take the time to see them.
- When you talk about something, does he or she ask a follow up question?
- Does he or she seem interested in the things you say?
- When there is a misunderstanding, does he or she seek clarification right away?
- When you notice that he or she disagrees with something or someone, does he or she say so? How does he or she do it?
- Does he or she seem consistent with you? Does his/her mood seem consistent?
- Do you feel like he or she is the same person with you on a Wednesday when you have spent a day together, as on Monday after you have been apart?
- How has he or she treated the things they have come to know about you so far?
- Does he or she have emotional baggage? Are the bags packed, or his/her history messy?
These are the types of things you want to notice and pay attention to. They are the trust builders. They show you that this is someone that you can share with.
You will build trust in yourself and in your judgment by paying attention to the red flags or inconsistencies. It doesn’t mean you run for the hills at the first sign of trouble. It just means to stop and pay attention instead of blindly forging ahead.
5. Ensure To Make Peace With Your Previous Heartbreaks (If Any)
- You do this by accepting that it happened, and refusing to let one bad love keep you from finding a good one.
- Once you know that you are capable of seeing and addressing potential problems, you will be less afraid of falling in love. You will see that you are paying attention, and you will gain confidence in moving forward.
- It is not a guarantee that you will not get hurt again. Even if you both end up happily ever after, there will be hurt at some point. It happens in every love.
What it does mean is that you chose someone who was worth the risk. That you wanted this person more than you wanted the security of never getting hurt, or the loneliness that comes with that choice.
This article was culled from goodmenproject.com
