#PNN E-Mentoring (kayla chanai): Love At First Sight – Myth or Reality?

Like so much about love, the question of love at first sight can’t be answered objectively. But I’ll do my best to answer it here in the most helpful way. I have taken my time to do some research and I found some very useful points on a teen advice website too. When we say we fell in love at first sight, what does it truly mean? Is it real love or your mind is playing tricks on you?

Have you ever seen someone and instantly felt attracted to every part of them, including their personality (even though you haven’t even talked to them yet)? You might be quick to call it love at first sight, but it’s probably what psychologists call the attractiveness halo effect. When you see someone who looks great, your brain sometimes jumps to the conclusion that their personality must be great, too.

We all know that not everyone’s looks and personalities match up. Some attractive people are total jerks, and some of the best people in the world aren’t what you’d necessarily think of as “hot”. So the halo effect is really just an illusion. Your sudden feelings of love might go away as soon as you get to know the person better.

Love is more than just looks:

Everyone’s got a different take on what love is, but few people believe that’s made out of stuff you can find just by looking at someone. Love (at least if you ask me) is made up of compromise, empathy and patience. You can’t give or get those sorts of things at first sight.

That doesn’t mean that your initial feelings can’t turn into love. When you first see someone, you might instantly know that you want to get close to them and learn about them. As your relationship progresses, those feelings might eventually grow into love. But is “love” really the word for your immediate reaction? My dear, certainly not! Not unless your definition of love is kinda superficial.

You might be wondering why I’m giving love at first sight such a bad rap. It’s not that I don’t think the idea is sweet, or that I don’t love me some romantic movies. If you see someone “hot” and assume that what you feel is love, you’ll overlook qualities in them that could end up hurting you. You might let them get away with abusive behavior because your heart has taken over your better judgment.

Whether or not you want to believe in love at first sight is up to you. Just don’t go out there expecting to find it and get upset when you don’t.

And when you meet someone you instantly swoon over, be aware that there’s a whole lot about them you haven’t seen yet – including some stuff that might not be so deserving of your love.

Kayla Chanai is a writer, blogger, public speaker, advocate and a Librarian. She is very passionate about fighting Rape and domestic violence with Child sexual abuse as her focus. Since her teenage years, she has worked with various Organizations which include Destiny Resource Foundation, NAPTIP, WOCAN (Women Care Association of Nigeria), d-xtreme Unit, Christ Centre and March Against Rape. She currently resides in Abuja, Nigeria. Twitter: @Chanaikayla. www.kaylachanai.blogspot.com