Jealous of a Friend? It can be worse – until you know how to deal with it

We’ve all been there—that deep, dark moment when you realize you’ve fallen into a jealousy spiral. Wanting what someone else has can be inspiring and even motivational, but letting those feelings build up to a point where the green monster is inescapable will throw you into an emotional tailspin, especially when the object of your envy is a good friend. Put a halt to the sorry-for-yourself state, and use these quick tips to crawl out from its gravitational pull.

Take control.
Chances are, you can make all that good stuff that’s happening to someone else happen to you. If your friend has something you’re envious of, ask yourself if there’s something more you could have done to get it—and be honest! Sad about doing worse in school than your study buddy? Reassess how much effort you’re putting into your own homework and test prep. Bummed you didn’t get asked to the big dance? Make it known that you’re interested in being set up. Pour that energy spent wanting what she has into working harder to get it yourself. Note: The trick is to make these kind of improve-your-mood moves fast. All those bad vibes will disappear sooner rather than later, and you’ll train yourself to not get sucked into a one-girl pity party next time.

Switch up your response.
Your best friend’s the star of the show, but you’re stuck in the ensemble? No problem. When that icky jealous feeling creeps up, think about how proud you are of the pal in question. Just because you’re disappointed for yourself doesn’t mean you can’t be happy for her. Follow up every mental eye-roll with some positivity and outward kindness. Yes, tell her that you’re excited for her! That way, you can support your friend when the curtain rises, and not even have to utilize your acting chops to do so.

Step back a little.
If your BFF is in the “perfect” relationship or your roomie edged you out for a leadership position in your in class, sure, it’s hard not to feel bad. A good tactic is to avoid situations that’ll cause that envy flare-up. (Example: If she wants you to third-wheel her date, find something else to do that time) If you try to avoid these circumstances and she’s still flaunting her good fortune about, pull her aside and let her know she’s making you upset. If your pal has the best intentions at heart, she’ll apologize. If not, then sadly, she’s not much of a friend in the first place.

Just cut it out.
Let’s get real here. Jealousy’s the worst, and not just because of how much time and energy the one-guy rain cloud over your head takes up. By being jealous of a friend’s new designer bag or other stuff, you’re automatically putting your feelings before hers. Translation: You’re being a textbook bad friend! Making it all about you is selfish, and counteracts the balance of your friendship as a whole. So, snap out of it! If you try your best to block out jealous feelings, even a little bit, it’s amazing how much better you’ll begin to feel.