I am 22 and I’ve never been friends with any lady… Am I fine?

Hi admin,

I’m a guy of 22, I have a big problem that I have never dated any girl in my life since my days. Many keep admiring me because am an handsome and trust worthy guy but I keep rejecting them, my spirit is telling me that girls can hurt in any way. And because of this, I have come to hate girls. I don’t know why all these is happening this way, and it’s been disturbing me since. Please I need your advice cos I don’t know what else to do. Thanks.

RESPONSE: To start with, prior abuse of any form can cause someone to equate closeness with fear, anxiety and stress and no matter how much you want to have a normal relationship, it might be impossible.

A friend was once in a similar situation that he had to consult a therapist. What he was told was that he was so subconsciously afraid of intimacy that when he felt he had lost control over the level of intimacy in a relationship, he suffered from an enormous level of anxiety which itself was subconscious but nevertheless caused him to lose all desire for the person he’s getting closer with.

What that simply means is that it’s all in your mind. You’re 22. It’s not unusual for a 22-year-old to never have been in a ‘real’ relationship. I think it’s perfectly normal and considering what most of the ‘relationships’ are like at your age, I don’t think you’re missing much.

One thing I have learned is that everything comes down to timing, luck and a little bit of skill. Life, love, you name it, if the timing isn’t right no matter what you do, it’s not going to happen.

Fear or not, Life and love is about taking chances. Just because you haven’t been there doesn’t mean you can’t do that, or you won’t ever be able to. It just hasn’t been right. Being afraid only makes you want to overcome. Put yourself out there, and the universe will come back full circle with something greater than you imagined.

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