Ladun was dating this guy, though they never had sex, they did everything else. She was very honest with him about being a virgin, and not being ready yet for sex. He told her he was completely okay with it, and that wasn’t all he wanted. They continued to hang out and act like a couple. But then things went bad very fast. They stopped talking, and he didn’t even try to make an effort to see what was wrong. She eventually found out that he had found a new girl to mess with.
After a while, he would see her in person and try to talk to her and tell her she looked pretty. He recently messaged her, and is trying to talk to her again. All of her friends advised her not to reply, but she still really likes him even though he really hurt her.
Should she talk to him and give him a second chance or just try to forget about him?
It appears that things clearly ended awkwardly between them, so it’s understandable if she’s not sure what to do. Though, only her side of the story has been heard, but it sure sounds like he treated her kind of badly. It also seems like he is more interested in what he wants than what is right for her, and that’s not a great start to a relationship! But sometimes, giving others a second chance may not be an entirely bad idea.
But before she goes extending an olive branch, there are yet things to consider, like:
1. Will She be Hurt Again?
Ladun MUST realize that this is a possibility – hence, she should ask if she’s prepared to take that risk? Has he changed in any way? What does she ultimately want from with this guy? What does she think he wants with her?
2. Has She Truly Forgiven Him?
Not completely forgiving someone for what they did to us breeds resentment, and you find yourself making references to their past mistakes – which shouldn’t happen when complete forgiveness has been given. So ask: Am I able to forgive him for what he did before?
3. What Does She Want?
She also needs to figure out how she feels, and what she wants. It’s also possible that he only wants to hook up and not be exclusive. Does that suit her just fine?
Upon considering all these; if she does decide to give him a second chance, then they both need to have a honest discussion. They need to discuss how he hurt her before, and how that should NEVER happen again. They also need to figure out what they both want from this new relationship – now that the slate has been wiped clean, and they are starting afresh. All these things need to come out in the open. If they are not willing to talk about these points, then the “second chance” option is dead on arrival.
In conclusion, sometimes people really do change. However, to protect herself, she should ensure that they both want the same things and are feeling the same way. Further, the importance of forgiveness and trust cannot be over-flogged because without them, this new start just won’t work.
But if it seems the guy is just trying to use her, then getting over him and forgetting all about him is her best option. Sometimes when people realize they can treat someone however they want and get away with it, they never try to get better.
That’s why everyone needs to be firm about what they want and what they deserve. If he can’t be that person, then he’s just not worth your love. It is POSSIBLE to find someone who is.