Last week, Emma Thompson revealed that she had written a ‘sex handbook’ for her 13-year-old daughter to help guide her through the pitfalls of being a modern teenager.
The Oscar-winning actress explained she had come up with the idea because she was in a ‘constant state of anxiety’ due to the vast pressures that young people are under today when it comes to sex, relationships and the internet.
It was a situation that mother Annabel Cole sympathised with. Even though she’s always strived to be open about the ‘birds and the bees’ with her 14-year-old daughter Elsa, she knows there remains a vast array of subjects she still needs to tackle. Here, she writes her own ‘sex handbook’ for Elsa. So it could you too?
KEEP PRIVATE THINGS PRIVATE
Your private life should be private, not splashed over the internet like the late-night antics of Miley Cyrus.
To us oldies, it beggars belief that teens might even contemplate sending pictures of their private parts over the phone; or share their intimate feelings with several hundred so-called ‘friends’ on Facebook or Tweet a comment about last night’s date to your followers. In a world where these activities are often seen as ‘normal’, it’s easy to forget that you do have a choice.
Would you let someone read your diary? Why should your attitude to the internet be any different?
Posting something intimate online might seem like a good idea, at the moment you do it, but it has the potential to go from private to extremely public at the press of a button. The potential consequences of this are at best embarrassing, at worst very damaging. A good rule of thumb is: if you wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing this with the whole school assembly, then don’t share it electronically.
IMAGE isn’t everything
Everyone wants to look their best, but don’t distort who you are in the process. Waxing, salon-perfect hair and push-up bras and a distinctly measurable thigh gap are part of an increasingly long list of apparent must-haves for teens, but, trust me, none of that will help you unless you feel confident inside.
I spent much of my teens counting calories and obsessing about the odd spot, but guess what – boys generally want to be with someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously and is happy to go out without making everyone feel guilty in the process.
I cannot begin to imagine the pressure that teens are under today. Checking your Facebook status, whether you have had a ‘like’ on Instagram and posting seductive-looking selfies are now routine activities, carried out with deadly seriousness many times a day. It must feel as if the world is watching you and to some extent, it is.
But, when it comes to boys, you might be surprised to find out that they don’t care as much about appearance as the online world might lead you to think.
DATES AREN’T FAIRY TALES
Dating can be a pretty grisly business, particularly when you are new to it, and often when you are not. The best preparation for dating is to abandon fairytale fantasies and prepare yourself for awkwardness, nervous chatting, deadly silence and possibly clumsy fumbling.
Don’t be fooled by ‘big talk’ from your peer group. No teenager really knows what they are doing, although many people will try to convince you in no uncertain terms that they do.
At 14, I used to dread Monday mornings at school when a certain gang of girls would loudly relate their weekend exploits. I felt like a baby in comparison and felt pressurised into exaggerating some of my own behaviour, which I regret.
Rejection will happen. It’s awful and you will feel as if the world has ended. My first love left me to go back to his ex. Even now, it hurts and I still feel a little bit indignant – how could he prefer her to me? If you like someone, a little bit of them will stay with you forever. But then, the best way to save yourself of this possible heartache is to rather stay unattached.
NOT EVERYONE IS DOING IT
It’s OK to wait and absolutely OK to say ‘no’. There is so much talk about sex in the teen years among teens that you might feel as if you are the only one on the planet who isn’t bedhopping. You are not.
Experience has taught me that those who boast the loudest about sexual encounters, generally aren’t doing it at all.
Nobody likes to feel left out, but remember it is your body and you should be in charge of what you do with it and whom you share it with.
When I was in my teens one of our favourite topics of conversation at school was who had ‘done it’ and who had not. Not much change there you might think. However, when I was at school these conversations generally started to take off in the Sixth Form, not in Years 9 and 10 as they often do today..
THE INTERNET IS FOR LIFE, NOT JUST FOR YOUR TEENS
Never forget that something posted on the internet will stay with you for life.
Imagine how you would feel if you went for a job interview and before you had even arrived, your potential employer had made a judgement about you based on a revealing selfie posted on Instagram a few years before?
The same goes for comments about other people. Being online can give you a false sense of freedom as you don’t have to deal with people face to face.
Think twice before you write; what you say will affect the person you are writing about and will undoubtedly have an impact on the way that others view you.
