Growing up with strict parents is a struggle you only understand if you’ve been there. And that can get worse except you do something about it.

It’s easy to blame everything on your parents being strict and not understanding you, but it could also be that you’re the one doing things that are wrong. Some of your actions might actually be putting your parents in that strict mode. If you’re dealing with strict parents and you don’t know what to do, consider changing your behaviour. Here are 6 things you’re doing wrong that are making your parents strict:

You Hide Everything From Them
Having strict parents is a vicious cycle. You do something, they find out, they get mad, you don’t tell them about things, they get mad you don’t tell them about things. It’s so tough! It’s really hard to find a balance, so eventually you just start hiding everything. The problem is that they will eventually catch you – and then they’ll be even more furious that you lied or hid something. The worst part is that you’re allowing their anger to be more legitimate by lying.

I’m not saying you should tell your parents every little thing – I don’t think that’s reasonable or realistic. But don’t hide EVERYTHING. Tell them what you can and be honest when you can. It will usually aid your relationship with them.

You Get Too Emotional
I know how it is: you’re fighting with your parents, and you think that maybe crying will make them feel sorry for you. Maybe yelling will make them stop and listen. Maybe putting on a big emotional show will make them realise what they’re doing. Or, maybe your emotions really run away from you and you can’t help it.

Either way, I can tell you for certain that the crying and screaming isn’t helping you. Instead, it’s only reinforcing their thought that you’re too immature to do whatever it is you want to do. I KNOW how hard it is to stay calm and collected when you’re not getting your way. But please, please try it. It won’t have miracle results, but over time, it will help.

You Never Do Things Without Being Asked
Maybe your parents are strict because they say you never help them. In that case, you might be like, “Well, they told me to clean my room so I did!” or “I put away the dish after they asked! Here’s the thing: a lot of parents are only impressed if you do something helpful on your own without their request. They think that just by asking you to do it, you’ve already failed because they had to ask before it got done. See what I’m saying?

Start doing things without being asked. Clean the house on your own if you have to. Do the dishes before your mum tells you to do them. After a while, you can start to use those things to get what you want – and they will be happier with you in general.

You Don’t Try To Get To Know Them
Even if your parents are super, super strict, they’re doing it because they love you. They really do! Sometimes parents act super strict because they feel like you’re slipping away from them, and they don’t want to lose you. You can make them feel more important and more like a part of your life by getting to know them. Grab lunch with them sometimes. Go do errands with your mum. Talk at dinner instead of watching TV. They’ll appreciate it, and it’s honestly good for you too.

You Never Tell Them About Your Day
Your parents also want to know more about you, their kid. They care about you and love you. They’re curious about your life! When you hide everything and you refuse to spill details on your day, it makes them feel pushed away and angry and sad. That can make them feel more strict. Start telling them about your day, even mundane details you think don’t matter. Ask for their opinion on some things. Tell them about a movie you loved! Anything.

You Refuse To Compromise
Compromising is so important with strict parents. You want them to do what you want, they want you to do what they want. Neither of you is winning if you don’t try to compromise. Be mature. Agree to do little things you don’t want to do that don’t really matter that much to you in the long run. Use those as a way to get what you want. Just try. I know this isn’t a miracle solution and that some parents aren’t interested in compromising. But if they’re asking YOU to compromise, then you should try.