Yes! No!! and Maybe are some of the answers you are likely to hear. But humans are social, we flourish and are nourished by our social connections, that is why time seems to fly when you are with your friends than when alone. That’s the reason you want to fit in, which is not such a bad thing.
But should you simply jump blindly into one just because you want to fit in? I don’t think so, and neither should you. That is the reason I have compiled a list of some things to watch out for – you may refer to it as something of a checklist.
Definition of a Clique
For a certainty, the term “clique” has gotten a bad name over the years. This is in part because many cliques have an exclusive nature that can lead to hurt feelings in those not included. However, cliques do not have to be negative, and being mean isn’t a requirement of being a clique.
Technically speaking, any group of friends or after school club can be considered a clique if it doesn’t include all students.
Your Clique Checklist
Being part, or wanting to be part of a clique should not make you:
- Feel like you are not enough on your own
- Feel like you are pressured to do things you do not want to do in order to stay in the group, or be accepted into the group
- Feel like you are being controlled by the group as a whole
- Feel uncomfortable being alone
- Begin to make you distrust others who are not in the group
- Feel intimidated by others and their actions
- Feel hurt or excluded from the group
If you feel any, or all of these, then this group is not for you because it is toxic! No group of humans should EVER make you become less of who you are – in character and self-worth -, and you shouldn’t give them that privilege.
Also, because of the exclusivity of these groups, some teens may feel like cliques are controlling their lives. If you have been having trouble with the cliques in your school, here are a few tips to make your life easier:
- Stay calm. Getting upset will only make things worse.
- Ignore them. While it might be difficult, cliques will only get worse if you pay attention to them.
- Creating a group of your own friends to help you through.
- If things are really bad, speak to a teacher or counselor at your school.
- Cliques can be involved in bullying, a serious problem in many schools. If you feel bullying is an issue with a clique, contact a teacher or principal right away.
- Be a part of the solution: help other teens who you see struggling due to the cliques at your school.
But not all cliques are bad, so if you spot a good one, or if you create one for yourself and your friends, these are some of the good things it should promote:
- That such things as kindness, respect, love, patience and tolerance are wonderful qualities of decent people.
- That you all will become to one another a source of joy, strength and inspiration for when times are high or low.
- That you will all strive to create and nurture that safe feeling that even when everything is going wrong with the world, that what you have with these people will be the one constant thing.
Reaching the end of our checklist, can you now confidently say you know: What a clique means – CHECK -, What a clique should be – CHECK -, What a clique shouldn’t be – CHECK -, and what ways there are to deal with a toxic clique – CHECK .
