What to Do When Your Friend Just Stops Talking to You

It can be maddening when a friend suddenly cuts you off, seemingly with no reason. You are probably driving yourself crazy trying to figure out why, but you might never know.

 Here are some common reasons why a friend might stop talking to you, and what you can do.

1. You Did Something Wrong

Chances are, there has been an issue in the past that your friend feels was never resolved. Maybe something new, yet related to this old issue popped up and rather than discuss it with you, she pulled away for good.

Try to reflect back to what may have happened, and genuinely try to resolve it. Then, send an email, a text, or letter that says something like:

I haven’t heard from you and I’m trying to figure out why. Could the reason be because I teased you in front of our friends? If that’s it, I’m so sorry. I know we have talked about it in the past. I want to make it right and move forward, so if you are willing please let me know.

You could be wrong in what you assume might be the problem, and if that’s the case this email will likely get a response that corrects you. If you are right about what might have happened, your friend may feel like you two already talked about it before, but you were just insensitive to his/her feelings. However, your friend could also feel encouraged by your showing initiative, and reach out so you can discuss things.

2. Your Friend Is Going Through Something and Doesn’t Want to Share

Not everyone responds the same way when there’s a problem. Sometimes a friend will go through a life event that causes them to pull back from people, or to cut themselves off from everyone but a few very close friends.

If you suspect this is the reason, send your friend a card or email with a message that lets them know you  will be there for them.

Don’t speculate about why they aren’t talking to you in the note (even if you are pretty sure what’s bothering them), because if you are wrong you could make your friend feel worse. Instead, say something like:

I haven’t heard from you, and want you to know that whatever happens, I remain your friend and if you need me to listen, just let me know.

With this note you will leave the ball in their court about how to proceed. You can’t force someone to respond to you, so all you can do is leave things open for them to come to you when they are ready.

3. You Messed Up and Burned Your Friendship Bridges

If you gossiped about your friend, betrayed them, failed to support them, or did any other major friendship mistake, your pal may decide not to talk to you anymore without explanation. Sometimes you can make amends and move forward after a mistake, but not always. Your actions have consequences, and one of the things that happens when a big error is made is that the friendship ends.

4. The Person Was Not a Friend To Begin With

Still another possibly is that the person you thought was a good friend really isn’t. Perhaps you have been trying to get closer to them and they have decided that they aren’t interested. In this case, the person will pull away from you, and just try and avoid you.

It’s easy to get upset when this happens, but try not to take it personally. The other person is probably trying to be as kind to you as possible by not telling you straight out that they are not interested in being friends with you. Maybe they have enough people in their lives already, or perhaps they just don’t feel like you two would have anything in common. Rather than tell you this directly, they ignore you. (Not everyone is great at communication.)

Remember though that you cannot live your life based on what other people do. Sending an email or handwritten note to tell the other person that you are still interested in being a friend is one option, but even then, you have to leave it to them and not push it.

Sometimes it’s a gift when people walk away from you. Look at it this way, not everyone is meant to be in your life forever, so forgive them for choosing to communicate with silence, and move on to other people who want to be in your life.