A part of the circle of life is the ending of it. While some deaths are expected and some are not, all have an impact on the family and friends of the one who has died. It is the same with relationships we often expect to last an eternity, but which sometimes do not.
Hence, with the end of something (whatever that might be) comes a feeling of grief that it ended. How best can you understand your emotions during this tumultuous period? What can be done to cope with it? Consider some of the helpful facts below.
What is Grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief will be.
You may associate grief with the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense type of grief—but any loss can cause grief; including the end of a friendship, the break-up of a family in the aftermath of a divorce, and even the end of a romantic relationship.
Myths and Facts about Grief
MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
MYTH: Grief should last about a year.
Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.
The Five Stages of Grief
- Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
- Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
- Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
- Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
- Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
Experiencing any of these emotions following a loss is natural, and in time you will heal. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that’s okay.
Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages.
These stages are not meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. So don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling, or which stage you are supposed to be in. Grieving is as individual as our lives.
Coping With Grief
- Turn to friends and family members – Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Draw loved ones close, rather than avoiding them, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Oftentimes, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need.
- Draw comfort from your faith – If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort it provides. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you—such as praying, meditating, or attending a religious gathering—can offer solace. If you are questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to people in your religious community.
- Join a support group – Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help.
- Talk to a therapist or grief counsellor – If your grief feels like too much to bear, see a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.
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