It would be great if we only dealt with people we got along with easily, but in reality it doesn’t work that way. Many of the folks we encounter on a daily basis are probably ones we don’t really care for, and the feeling may be the same for them. What’s the best way to deal with casual friends that you have to see but can’t stand to be around? Here are some advice.
1. Don’t Try to Be Friends
The natural tendency with people you don’t necessarily like is to either go out of your way to be nicer to them than you would your actual friends, or to shun them completely. Extremes like this are never good in relationships, even with unpleasant people in your casual friend circle.
While you shouldn’t try to force a friendship with these people, that doesn’t mean you need to make them an enemy. Instead, accept that the fact that there are some people you just wont like, but that you will have to deal with from time to time. You won’t have to spend the time trying to create a new friendship with them, but you can be as pleasant as possible when you interact with them.
2. Try to be Nice
Being kind to people you can’t stand has plenty of benefits. It’s a lot like being nice to strangers. You learn to shake off negativity and maintain composure when dealing with someone unpleasant. This helps you deal with uncomfortable situations in a healthy way and allows you to keep them away from your positive, solid friendships.
Also, by maintaining your composure you show others that you are friend-worthy material. Being nice also means that you won’t take the things they say or do personally. When someone is unpleasant with you, others see it and take note of how you react.
3. Don’t Obsess
Once someone begins to irritate you, you will be more sensitive to the things they say and do. Watch for signs that you are paying more attention to their behaviour than you should. For instance, check to see if:
- Others feel the same way. If you are the only one, chances are you are thinking too much about this person.
- You can’t enjoy your time with other friends because you are too busy talking, or thinking about the other person. Never let someone you don’t even like ruin good friendships.
- Others noticed their bad behavior but shook it off.
This can clue you into the fact that you are taking something this person is doing very personally.
The possibly exists that the reason you can’t stand this person is because you are jealous of what they have, or what you think they have.
4. Do Some Self-Reflection
It’s always good to do some self-reflecting when you have an issue with someone. If you can figure out why you don’t like them, you may discover something about yourself. Very often the character traits that bother us in others are similar to those we do ourselves.
As you are looking at someone else’s behavior, you may begin to see this person differently. For instance, are they unpleasant because of a hardship they are dealing with? Do they act in a negative way because they don’t have any friends?
Understanding where people are coming from can help you give them a pass. It doesn’t justify poor behaviour, but it helps you put their words and actions into perspective. You will find that you have less energy to hate on them if you can see their point, even if it’s not one you share yourself.
Source: about.com
