In the first part of the series, we considered how to deal with rejection by controlling how you feel. The first being that you shouldn’t deny the rejection, or the hurt that accompanies it. The other like it is that you should qualify the feeling with “appropriate” words, based on the information at your disposal.
Now we are going to consider how to deal with rejection by controlling how you think.
1. Examine Your Thought Soundtrack
Consider how you are explaining the rejection to yourself. Are you being too hard on yourself? It’s natural to wonder, “Why did this happen?” When you give yourself an explanation, be careful to stick to the facts.
Tell yourself: “Kike rejected my proposal because she’s not that into me.” Don’t tell yourself: “I was rejected because I am not attractive” or “I am such a loser.” These aren’t facts. They are imagining a reason, and reading too much into a situation. If put-down thoughts like these start creeping into your mind, shut them down.
Self-blaming or put-down thinking can exaggerate our faults and lead us to believe stuff about ourselves that simply isn’t true. This kind of thinking crowds out hope and a belief in ourselves — the very things we need to get past feeling bad and wanting to try again.
If you start blaming yourself for the rejection, or put yourself down, you can start believing you will always be rejected. Thoughts like, “I will never get a date” or “No one will ever like me” takes a simple rejection to disaster level. Rejection can hurt a lot and can be terribly disappointing, but it’s not the end of the world.
2. Keep Things in Perspective
Tell yourself: “OK, so I got rejected this time. Maybe next time, I will get a ‘Yes’” or “This is what happened. I don’t like it. It’s not how I wanted things to work out. But everyone gets rejected — and I can try again.”
3. Think About What You Are Good at And What’s Good About You
Remember times when you have been accepted, when someone told you “Yes.” Think of all the people who like you and support you.
4. Give Yourself Credit For Trying
You took a risk — good for you. Remind yourself that you can handle the rejection. Even though you were turned down now, there will be another opportunity, another time. Get philosophical: Sometimes things happen for reasons we don’t always understand.
5. Use Rejection to Your Advantage
A rejection is a chance to consider if there are things we can work on. It’s alright to think about whether there’s room for improvement, or if your goals were higher than your skills.
If your skills weren’t strong enough this time, maybe you need to work on your game, your studies, or whatever it takes to improve your chances of getting accepted next time. Use the rejection as an opportunity for self-improvement.
Sometimes a rejection is a harsh reality check. But if you approach it right, it could help nudge you in a direction that turns out to be the perfect fit for your talents, personality, and all the really great things that make you who you are.
And this peeps, is a wrap. Hope you benefit by it.
See Also: How to Deal With Rejection (1)
This article first appeared in kidshealth.org an online platform for kids and teens health and general well being.
