First, be proud of yourself for changing. It’s not easy to admit that you wronged someone. And it takes a lot of courage to try to make up for past nasty behaviour.
Offering an apology to someone is a great first step toward starting over. If you can, take them aside and say:
I want to apologize for my actions
Being authentic and speaking from the heart can help. You may also add:
I feel really bad for what I did. It’s been on my mind all this while
People who have been wronged may find it difficult trusting the person who hurt them. So don’t expect the other person to automatically accept your apology. For instance, he/she might ignore your apology, yell at you, or even tease you.
Be patient
You’ve probably heard that “actions speak louder than words.” So after offering words of apology, you then need to show that you have really changed: Be kind and helpful to them and others. Over time, the person should get the hint that you’ve changed — then you can both move on.
It will take time
To get past any ups and downs, it can help to focus on two things:
- What you are doing takes courage and you can take pride in the fact that you are taking real steps to change.
- Whatever happens, you’re building some good skills and learning more about yourself and the kind of person you want to be.
Sincerity is the important thing about an apology
When we apologize, we need to do so because we feel genuinely sorry about how hurt another person may be. An apology shouldn’t be a way to protect our own image or be liked. If an apology is more about ourselves and how we can benefit, it might not seem true.
Forgive yourself, too
We can learn from mistakes. Focus on mending the situation, not replaying it in your head. Being too self-critical can’t help you. Neither can wishing the situation away, thinking about what you said over and over, or dwelling on what you could have said instead. Move forward. Focus your energies on trying to make things right and working on your good intentions!
This should be enough. We all make mistakes – yes, we do – but the cheery news is what we do to honestly make it better. At least, we get credits for genuine effort.