When someone wrongs you–either by accident or on purpose–it can be hard to get over it.
How do you forgive somebody when every fibre of your being resists? How do you look at the person lovingly when you still have the memory of his/her unloving action?
Well, you may not be able to forgive and forget, but being able to truly forgive a person for hurting you can put you on the path to feeling better and mending your relationship. Also, forgiving someone for hurting you has been proven to relieve stress, so you’ll be doing yourself a favour in the process.
Forgiveness isn’t easy, but here are some tips to help you forgive someone who has wronged you:
When someone hurts you, the first thing you probably want to do is wrong them in some way so they know how it feels. That’s perfectly human, but it’s not right. That will only make you stoop down to their level, and hurting someone else isn’t going to make you feel any better.
Allow Yourself To Feel What You’re Feeling
Time heals all wounds, and it definitely takes time to forgive someone. One reason why people fall back into fights about the same issues is because they forgive too quickly. You might think that’s a good thing, but you shouldn’t move to forgive someone without really figuring out how you feel. Take time to process your thoughts and emotions. Why did the situation upset you? What can be done to make it better?
Write Everything Down
A really good way to collect your thoughts is to write everything down. Writing down your thoughts is a great way to see everything clearly and objectively.
Put Yourself In Their Shoes
One of the toughest things to do is to put yourself in the shoes of the person who wronged you. When you’re upset with someone, it’s really easy to think they were trying to be malicious and hurt you on purpose. Oftentimes, that isn’t the case. Intent isn’t always what matters. However, it’s easier to work towards forgiveness when you can view the situation from their perspective.
Know That Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Still Have Feelings
There’s this idea that you can only forgive someone when you’re not angry or upset about what happened anymore. That’s not true. You can still have those feelings and forgive someone at the same time. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Work On Resolving The Anger
One reason you should do your best to forgive people who apologise to you is because holding onto anger and other negative emotions isn’t good for you. Forgiving others is actually beneficial to your health.
Know What It Means To Forgive
The old “forgive and forget” mantra is pretty unrealistic. You’re going to remember the situation that hurts you and the person who did it. You might feel angry about it in the future, but once you forgive someone, you can’t hold the situation over their head forever. You don’t have to forget it, but you do need to let it go for your own sake.