Friends want people who will tell it to them straight and not lie, but how to do that without causing problems? It’s not always easy to be honest when you know it might hurt your friend or even end the friendship.
Being honest with people is a crucial step in becoming friends, because honesty translates to trust. If your friends can count on you to be the one person in their life that will tell them the truth (perhaps even a truth that no one else will), they will appreciate you all the more.
The trouble is when you are brutally honest, you might say something that will hurt your friend’s feelings. It’s a fine line between honesty and rudeness sometimes.
Be Gently Honest
There are two types of situations when your friend is going to need your honest opinion: when they ask you for it and when you need to step in and tell them something for their own good. In the first situation, your friend is simply asking for your thoughts. Answer them gently, without trying to give them a lecture, or bring them down.
For example, if they ask, “Do you think I am too young to be dating?” you have a couple ways to respond.
- Brutally honest: “Are you kidding? You are still a child! What do you know about the emotional roller-coaster that is dating!?”
- Gently honest: “Well, I like that you seem happy, but I am concerned that you are not yet ready for the emotional drama that accompanies dating”
In another example, if your friend asked, “Does this outfit look good on me?” you could say:
- Brutally honest: “No way! It makes you look ten times bigger!”
- Gently honest: “I prefer the one you wore yesterday.”
Being honest doesn’t mean offering your friends unwanted advice, either. It’s okay to tell the truth, and if you are concerned about an aspect of their life, speak up. But do it in a loving manner. Always remember that no one likes to be criticised (even if it is well-meaning), it is viewed as an attack on the person’s dignity.
For example, if your friend is doing something dangerous or reckless, you should talk to them. In this case again, you have the choice to make your comments brutal or gentle.
- Brutally honest: “What’s your problem? You’ve been moping around here like your best friend just died.”
- Gently honest: “I haven’t heard from you in a while. Are you doing alright? Talk to me.”
In another example, let’s say your friend has failed to get admission into the university yet again. Your pal has tried out five times, and has been rejected on each and every try.
- Brutally honest: “I really don’t think you are going to get admission by writing another UTME. Why do you bother trying? You are just setting yourself up for failure.”
- Gently honest: “You have been very determined about gaining admission into the university. Could you perhaps try another option?”
Be a Sounding Board For Your Friend
Your friends don’t want you to lie to them, but they also don’t need you to lay your negative opinions on them. There is a balance between honesty and just blurting out words that can harm for years to come. Check yourself to make sure you respond without jealousy or anger, which can also add to brutal honesty rather than gentle honesty. There’s a difference, you know?
Be a friend, not a fiend!