The teen years are a time of identity formation, and dating can be an integral part of developing a healthy sense of self. In the early teen years, however, most kids don’t quite know how to ‘date’. Through practice, they learn the give-and-take of relationships and test out various ways of relating to others.
As teens become more experienced and mature, they can reap many benefits from becoming involved in relationships. They learn about different habits of the opposite sex, practice their communication and social skills, and become involved in new interests and hobbies.
Through relationships they learn how their decisions affect others; they develop emotionally as they figure out who they are and what their values are. Interpersonal skills such as the ability to negotiate and empathise, and learning to apologise and forgive, are enhanced as teens give and receive emotional support through their involvement.
How parents can help promote healthy relationships
- By the time a child reaches the preteen years parents should have had the basic sex talk, and as kids get older it should be an ongoing rather than a one-time conversation. Children hear different things about sex from their friends and the media, so make sure they know the facts.
- One of the most powerful teaching tools parents have to convey their values to their children is their own relationship. Children will learn to be tender, compassionate and respectful of their partners when they see their parents model these behaviours.
- Be alert to signs of an abusive relationship such as controlling behaviour, belittling or verbally putting down a person, isolating her from friends, having a short temper, showing jealousy or possessiveness, pushing or slapping.
- As it becomes harder to shield kids completely from online pornography, parents may want to address this, emphasising that just as movies and TV aren’t the same as real life, these depictions of sex are not realistic and can promote unhealthy attitudes.
- Parents should be available and supportive so their children and not driven to rely solely on others for support. At the same time keep in mind that adolescents are trying to become less dependent on their parents and will want some degree of privacy. It’s a fine line.
- Basic rules such as curfews should be established. Know who your teen is friends with dating, where they’re going, what they plan to do, and when they’ll be home.
- Set up rules about computer use and online safety. It’s not unreasonable to monitor kids’ activities online (learn more in a recent article on cyberbullying).
- Encourage kids to invite friends home, but set ground rules about entertaining when parents aren’t present.
- Answer questions directly and honestly as they come up. Your willingness to be open and truthful sets the standard.
- Don’t hesitate to let your teen know how you feel and what you expect. Be willing to listen and not judge.
- Be aware of how your children use technology. Make sure they know they should come to a parent or other trusted adult if they feel threatened or if someone spreads photos or rumours about them online.
- Teach teens to trust their judgment and avoid unwanted sexual advances by stating a response such as “No” clearly and firmly.
